My Immortal
by Gindokei
Summary: A different beginning to their love story... but it ends in the same way. A look at what would have happened if Kikyo and InuYasha had met earlier. Random, slightly InuKik, don't read if you can't picture Kikyo as anything but a clay-pot whore.


_My Immortal_

**AN: This is a bit alternate-reality, merely because Kikyo meets InuYasha when she is six. InuYasha ages one year for every three human years, so he ages much more slowly – as a result, although he is actually about thirty in HUMAN years, he appears to be only ten at the beginning of this piece.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**InuYasha**_** or any of the characters. They all belong to Ms. Rumiko Takahashi – I am merely forcing them into different scenarios. (:**

**

* * *

**She was playing outside the family hut, searching for perfectly round stones with some of the other village children. The sound of their laughter and the clatter of stones tapping against each other had lulled her into a sort of trance, which the sunlight on her back had contributed to. However, she was entirely too focused on her task, and didn't heard the sound of thudding feet as the other children made their hasty escape. When she looked up from the ground, all she realized was that they were all gone – all, save for one.

But he wasn't a village child. It wasn't just his odd eyes or long hair that told her so – it was the sheer wildness of his appearance, and the wariness in his stance. It was like he expected to be chased away, pelted with rocks and sticks. Kikyo was only six – she had never seen such a downtrodden person before. Still seated on the ground, she looked up at him quizzically, her hands grasping the edges of the outer fold of her kimono. The rocks inside the cloth were heavy, and she was afraid that the fabric would tear soon.

"Well?" the boy finally spoke, his voice closer to a growl than anything else. "Ain't you gonna run?"

She frowned up at him. He didn't look much older than her, but at the same time, he seemed far older than the village boys her age. There was something about him – the sadness in his eyes, or the aggressiveness of his voice. Kikyo allowed her hands to drop and the rocks spilled out of her impromptu bundle.

"No." She studied him with a twisted mouth, wondering about his words. "Why? Should I be running?"

The boy flicked his ears impatiently, and it was then that her attention was drawn towards those twin furry peaks. Kikyo squealed in delight as she scrambled to her feet, ignoring how one of the rocks that had remained landed on one of her bare toes. She reached out eager hands to touch the warm, silver-furred appendages, but the boy made a rude sound and backed away.

"What the hell! Why're you coming at me like that?"

"Your ears!" she proclaimed, quite enthralled by how they continuously twitched and rotated. "They're so pretty! Can I touch them?"

Exasperation flitted across his face. "No! What is _with_ you mortals and touching my ears? Anyway, you should be running scared!" In an attempt to frighten her, he bared unusually sharp teeth at her and slashed at the air in front of her. She noticed his claws and took a single step back.

"Aha," the boy spoke, and he sounded bitterly triumphant. "Now you're scared, ain'cha? Maybe you won't mess with a half-demon so easily next time."

"Half… demon?" She echoed his words slowly, one dirt-encrusted finger rising to scratch at the side of her nose. She'd heard of demons, of course – who hadn't? Her mother often warned her not to stay out too late, or the demons would come from the surrounding forest and devour her. Kikyo always shivered properly when her father told her stories of the fearsome youkai, as they called themselves, and often slept between her parents when he'd finished his story.

"How are you a half-demon?" She surveyed him critically. "You don't look like a demon cut in half to me. You look like a boy. With really cute ears." She flashed him a charming smile. "That I'd _really_ like to touch."

"Hell no!" The boy looked quite unnerved at her refusal to back down. "And I'm a half-demon 'cause my dad was a demon, and my mom was a human." He looked vaguely uncomfortable after the words had escaped him, and seemed to take pleasure in scowling at Kikyo. The girl was unaffected.

"That's nice. Do you want to come inside? Mama said it's going to rain tonight. You shouldn't be outside."

"Keh!" A scornful sound escaped the self-proclaimed half-demon. "It's early yet. I'll find shelter before nightfall. Plus, I don't think your parents would want me in your home."

"You're right," Kikyo agreed peacefully, laughing outright at the expression that crossed the boy's face – a mixture of resentment and surprise. "You're way too dirty," she added, making a funny face at him when he made a 'keh' sound again and turned up his nose. The boy cracked a half-smile, quite bemused by the attitude of the girl in front of him. Kikyo brushed a tendril of long, black hair off her forehead and tucked it neatly behind one ear.

"Don't go too far," she told him seriously. Jokes apart, she knew perfectly well that her parents would be furious if she brought home a half-demon. They'd told her enough stories about demons to let her know that they weren't fond of the creatures, let alone the spawn of a human and a demon. Kikyo wondered how the boy had had a human mother – all people she ever met hated demons with their heart and soul. Villagers were simple people – they didn't hate easily, but when they did, they never stopped.

He turned so that one curious amber eye rested on her face. "Why?" he asked gruffly. "Surely it'll be easier for your entire village if I just left."

An indignant expression settled on her features. "Why would you think that?" she challenged, taking a step closer so that she was only a foot away from him. "You're just a half-demon, right? You're not as strong as a real demon. And you wouldn't hurt anyone, would you?"

The boy looked positively outraged. Ignoring the second half of her words, he immediately latched onto her doubts about his strength. "Bitch!" he snarled, closing the gap between them and looming over her threateningly. In reality, he was probably only an inch or two taller than her, but he looked about double her size when angry, and Kikyo couldn't help but flinch. "I'm just as strong as any demon! Don't think I'm stupid and weak like you _humans_," he sneered the word, "just because my mother was one of you!"

Kikyo lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I didn't mean it that way." Kikyo wasn't a subservient child by nature – but the boy's hot words made her feel truly sorry about the careless way she'd spoken. "I just…"

"Save it." The boy waved a careless hand in the air, his silver hair gleaming in the sunlight. "I don't care." He scowled down at her, and Kikyo noticed how the red robe he wore was far too big and baggy for him. However, she wisely decided not to point it out.

"Will you please stay nearby?" she asked him. She wasn't sure why, but she liked something about the brash half-demon boy. The fact that he'd gone and admitted he was a half-demon astounded her, although he couldn't have very well pretended to be human with those eyes… or that hair… or those claws… or those _ears_… the point was, she already admired him for his honesty. Something about him told her she'd admire him for a lot more if she got to know him.

He sniffed. "I dunno. I might just decide I need to travel." Kikyo's gray-blue eyes widened pleadingly, and his own gaze softened. "I'll see what I can do."

As Kikyo grinned widely at her accomplishment, she turned to return to her parents. She felt the steady gaze of the half-demon boy on her back, and twisted her head to look at him.

"What's your name?" she asked him. The boy's ears shot forward.

"InuYasha," he replied.

* * *

"InuYasha! InuYasha!"

Kikyo ran out of the hut, her black hair streaming behind her – she hadn't tied it in her haste to inform her friend of the news. Now eight years old, Kikyo wasn't so much of a little girl anymore – or so she'd like to think. She had grown taller over the past two years, and she had grown wiser, too, to the ways of the world.

"Shut _up_!" he hissed as he leapt down from a nearby tree, frantically performing a slicing motion across his throat. "Do you _want_ to let everyone know there's a… _me_ near your village?" he asked her testily. Kikyo paused and clamped a hand over her mouth, smiling sheepishly under her palm.

"Sorry," she whispered, stepping closer to him. The sight of InuYasha made her stomach squirm with excitement. Every single day she looked on him with astonishment, wondering why he hadn't left yet. It never occurred to her that it was because of _her_ pleas that he stayed. InuYasha was much like a wild animal, and Kikyo knew they came and went as they pleased.

Despite his surly attitude and short temper, InuYasha had managed to become an essential part of Kikyo's life. She went to him with all of her problems and information, and although he never reacted much, she felt better for letting steam out on him. He always listened to her patiently, even if he did make faces at times.

His silver hair had grown a little longer over the past two years, and his claws a little sharper – otherwise, InuYasha hadn't changed much. Kikyo had never given the fact much thought. He was her friend – a grudging friend, yes, but still a friend. She didn't bother wondering about his lack of physical changes.

"Anyway," she continued in the same hushed tone, "guess what! Mama had the baby! And it's a girl!" Kikyo beamed joyfully. "Papa and mama decided to name her Kaede. Isn't that a sweet name?"

InuYasha's mouth quirked upwards. "A baby, huh… so _that's_ what it was," he muttered. "I was wondering why there was so much blood in the air."

"Were you worried?" Kikyo asked curiously. InuYasha sniffed loudly and averted his gaze.

"No."

Kikyo smiled. "Do you…" The girl's eyes widened, and she allowed her sentence to trail off. InuYasha looked at her quizzically.

"What?" he asked gruffly.

"Nothing," Kikyo sighed. She'd been about to ask the half-demon if he wanted to come inside and look at the baby. She'd forgotten that that was impossible. The girl rubbed the palm of one hand across her forehead, wiping off dirt and sweat.

"Mmm." InuYasha gazed at her steadily, and then shrugged. "Okay."

A lie for a lie – they were even now.

"Hey, InuYasha?" she spoke softly. "I notice you don't say half-demon anymore."

He flinched at the word. "Don't _ever_ say that again," he ground out harshly, stepping back from her. "_Ever_."

Kikyo pressed her lips together, immediately contrite. Of course, InuYasha wouldn't want to be reminded of his hanyou heritage. How stupid of her to go and blurt that out! But she'd been curious. When she first met him, he'd gone and _explained_ what a half-demon was to her. Maybe he'd grown more sensitive over the years.

"Sorry," she whispered again. "It's just… when I met you…"

"I went and explained everything." InuYasha nodded slightly. "I know. It was… a mistake."

Kikyo's features adopted a hurt expression, and the half-demon scowled. "Not that, you silly wench! I didn't mean meeting you. It's just… you were the first one to _ask_. So I kind of just told you."

Kikyo remained silent. She wasn't surprised that she had been the first one to question InuYasha about his heritage. Six-year-olds were less afraid than eight-year-olds, she guessed. If InuYasha hadn't shown up two years ago – if he'd _just_ shown up – would she have still stayed? Or would she have run, like the rest of the village children? Her forehead furrowed as she thought.

"Thinking hard?" His voice was light as he addressed her, and Kikyo blinked to dispel all the scenarios she had been picturing. Tilting her head to one side, she grinned at him, trying to stifle the fluttering she felt when he returned her smile, albeit grudgingly.

"You could say that," Kikyo agreed. At that moment, she vowed to never run.

* * *

"I think it's amazing… can you believe it, InuYasha?"

"No," he replied grumpily, and she could tell he was annoyed at her since he was still perched amongst the branches of a tree, and not by her side. "No, I can't. How can you _do_ this, Kikyo?"

She craned her head back, fixing him with a stern gaze. At the age of twelve, she had grown even more mature since her first meeting with InuYasha. Her mother often sighed over Kikyo's coolness when it came to others. She had grown up too fast, her mother often said to her father, and it wasn't _natural_ for a twelve-year-old to be so stoic.

Little did they know how extroverted Kikyo could be with a certain hanyou.

"It means a lot to me, InuYasha," she said quietly, a tinge of pain creeping into her tone. "You know I've always wanted to help people."

"And I get that!" he snapped, jumping to his own defense. "But not like this, Kikyo, please…"

She had never heard him plead with her before. Kikyo fought the urge to soften her gaze and continued to look at the blur of red and silver with steady eyes. "I'm sorry, InuYasha, but I have to do this. It's what I'm meant to do. This way, I'll be able to train my powers, and I won't harm anyone by accident ever again."

She couldn't see him clearly, of course, but she could imagine him wincing. Just two days ago, she'd accidentally released a burst of spiritual energy while her skin was in contact with his, and it had burned him badly. Kikyo smiled slightly as she imagined InuYasha's face adopting a sullen look. She absently brushed some hair out of her eyes – she'd begun to tie back her hair a year ago, when it had grown too long to remain free.

"You don't understand, Kikyo. Priestesses and demons are enemies. One is light, and the other is dark… can't you understand what will happen?" Kikyo was quiet.

"Do you trust me so little, InuYasha? Do you think that just because I will train to be a shrine maiden, that I will forget about you? Or hunt you down?"

He made a strangled sound. "Dammit, no! You know I don't think that. But…"

"You're my friend," she continued quietly. "I would never betray you."

"I know… I know that…"

"Then what is the problem?"

"The problem," InuYasha shouted as he jumped down from the tree to face her, "is that we will be _enemies_, Kikyo! You might not hunt me down, or forget me, but we will be enemies. You can try all you want to fight against it, but once you finish your training, you _will_ eventually decide that I'm too dangerous to have near the village. We can't be friends if you become a priestess, Kikyo."

"Again, I'm surprised how little you think of me," she replied, and was surprised to see InuYasha flinch at her cold tone. "Or are you afraid?"

"Don't you dare call me a coward," he growled. "I'm worried about you."

"No, you're not. You're worried about _yourself_."

InuYasha stiffened. "That's what you think? If I was so goddamn worried, I would've left ages ago!"

Kikyo's gray-blue eyes clouded slightly. So, she had been right all along. InuYasha stayed because he felt like it, not because of her at all. She lifted her head and allowed her chin to jut forward proudly.

"I don't care what you say," she replied sharply. "I _will_ go into training tomorrow. This is what I'm meant to do, InuYasha. I can't let an opportunity like this just pass me by."

The half-demon closed his eyes. "That's your final decision?" he spoke bleakly. Kikyo pressed her lips together, her teeth clamping down on the inside of her cheek so that she did not allow any emotion to escape.

"Yes."

InuYasha opened his eyes, and she was struck by how they shone, even when they were violet instead of golden. "All right," he sighed tiredly. "Then I'll leave tomorrow."

* * *

"Lady Kikyo!"

Kikyo glanced up from sorting through her herbs. She'd returned home after a long time, and had been surprised to find people waiting outside her family's hut. She'd ignored them, figuring they had come to consult with her parents. Kaede knelt beside her, her little sister's hands eager as she picked up every herb with reverence. Kikyo smiled fondly at her sibling, forgetting once again about the demon slayers waiting outside. Kaede was so enthusiastic about herb-lore, and Kikyo knew her sister would make a brilliant healer and priestess in time.

Five long years had passed since InuYasha had left her. She felt his absence every day, and missed his terribly – but she knew his departure had been for the best. He would have seen his predictions come true – he would have seen her cut him off, slowly, over the years. Her training taught her to regard demons as evil, and as much as it went against everything she'd experienced with InuYasha, she knew her teachings would have prevailed over their old friendship. He had been a friend of her youth – when she was young, she didn't care about what someone looked like or who his or her parents were. But now…

"Lady Kikyo!" Kikyo blinked and glanced up again. It was now obvious that these demon slayers had some business with her. Sighing quietly, the raven-haired priestess got to her feet and exited the hut.

"Yes?" she spoke quietly, studying the five men in front of her. The one in the middle stepped forward, something clasped between his glove-clad hands. "What is it that you want from me?"

"Forgive us for intruding," the man who had stepped forward spoke. He seemed vaguely nervous about something. "But we wish to ask a favour of you. We have heard of your immense spiritual powers even in our own village, and we wish for you to take something for safekeeping."

Kikyo viewed them curiously. "Continue," she spoke. The man allowed his hands to part until she saw what he cupped in them. Her eyes widened in puzzlement. There, in the man's hands, she saw a small, perfectly round pink jewel.

"This," the man spoke, "is the sacred Jewel of Four Souls, also known as the Shikon no Tama."

Kikyo inhaled sharply. She had heard of the jewel, and how it had been created – which priestess had not? She noticed the faint gray tinge on the surface of the jewel and extended one hand, a silent command. The man hurriedly deposited the jewel in her outstretched hand, and Kikyo brought the Shikon no Tama closer to her eyes.

She knew about the fragile balance the jewel had to maintain – how the soul of Midoriko, the warrior priestess, warred against the youkai entrapped in the jewel with her. When the jewel came in contact with her skin, Kikyo felt a surge of power transfer itself from her skin to the jewel. The gray tinge cleared.

"Please," the man spoke again, "keep it safe and purified." Kikyo inclined her head in consent, and the five men vanished into the lengthening shadows of the evening. Kikyo gazed into the sparkling depths of the Shikon no Tama and felt something in her chest ache.

_Would I have let him near this if he had stayed?_

_

* * *

_Kikyo passed a hand over her face, frustrated with her lack of concentration. Kaede viewed her sister worriedly as the priestess picked up another arrow and placed it in her bow, pulling the bowstring until it was taut. Kikyo pressed her lips together as she allowed her fingers to release the string, but the arrow merely flopped down to the ground.

_Curses! I haven't been able to concentrate on my archery… ever since…_

Ever since the jewel had come into her possession, Kikyo found herself thinking about the half-demon InuYasha, more and more often. She wasn't sure why. All she knew was that every time she picked up the jewel to purify it, the memory of his silver hair and golden eyes returned to her.

The feelings those memories aroused were making her nervous. As a shrine maiden and as the keeper of the sacred jewel, Kikyo could not allow her attention to falter. She had to be alert at all times, for many demons came in search of the jewel that could boost their powers. This was _not_ the time for her powers to fail!

"Sister… maybe you should take a break?" Kaede ventured to suggest. Kikyo gritted her teeth and picked up another arrow. This time, she cleared her head of all extraneous thoughts and focused her concentration on the bow under her fingertips. She half-closed her eyes and sighted down the shaft of the arrow, and released it.

It thudded into the tree she had been aiming for. Kikyo allowed herself to feel a small gush of satisfaction.

InuYasha had been plaguing her thoughts constantly. She was tired of her mind being wrapped up in him, in the leanness of his body and how he'd often sat in the tree near her hut, watching over her family… She shook her head, furious at herself for lapsing into her daydreams. She couldn't afford to be distracted.

She had loved him. She had loved him before she had known what love was, and his abrupt departure had nearly broken her. In a way, Kikyo had been even gladder that she had entered miko training – at least she had been able to throw herself into the training, and it had helped her forget.

Kikyo sighed softly and let the bow drop from her grasp as she knelt to pick up the arrows she failed to release. Kaede watched her with bright eyes, and the priestess offered her sister a smile.

"Kaede. Would you take these back to the hut? I'll get the others." Her sister nodded eagerly and gathered the arrows in her arms, carefully minding the sharp tips. Kikyo watched Kaede march back to the hut with a soft, sweet smile. How irresistibly Kaede reminded her of herself when she was younger…

Kikyo walked towards the tree she had finally managed to hit and gazed at the arrow she'd shot. Reaching out, she plucked the arrow from the well-worn bark, running the fingers of her other hand over the rough, bumpy surface.

Why was it that she couldn't stop thinking about him? Kikyo touched the jewel nested in the hollow of her throat, feeling it radiate peace. The jewel… was the jewel reminding her of him? Was the jewel the reason she dreamed of him every night, the reason she fancied she saw a flash of silver hair everywhere she went? Kikyo closed her eyes, seeing his proud face beneath her eyelids.

Why did it hurt so much?

_Because you loved him._

Why won't he let me forget?

_Because you still love him._

Kikyo took a deep breath, unwilling to allow her cool façade to break, even in private. For the sake of the jewel and of her village, she couldn't allow herself to falter. She couldn't allow herself to be wrapped in thoughts of _him_.

She glanced up at the massive branches of the tree. The Goshinboku, the God Tree. A tree rumoured to be able to transcend even time. Kikyo rested one hand on its weathered trunk, exhaling slowly.

_Don't think. Don't feel. Just be._

She didn't love him. She never loved him.

A soft growl came from above her, and Kikyo's half-lidded eyes flew open in surprise. Tilting her head back once more, she caught a glimpse of bright red and shining silver.

She met his golden gaze steadily, and hoped he couldn't hear her heart leap in ill-concealed joy.

_This is wrong._

How can it be wrong if it feels so right?

_Stop. Stop right now, before it's too late._

He makes me feel human again.

_This can only end in disaster._

I'm not afraid.

* * *

"_InuYasha!" His name fell from her lips like poison. She released the bowstring with a twang, watched it speed towards him and pierce his heart. It pinned him to the trunk of the tree, and the pale jewel fell from his nerveless fingers. InuYasha gazed at her in a mixture of surprise and anger._

"_Why… Kikyo… I thought…" His head slumped to one side, and he closed his eyes._

_

* * *

_**AN: Ho-hum. This is what comes from writing a story and listening to **_**My Immortal**_** on repeat. I don****'****t think this is even close to being one of my best pieces, but I kind of like it. It has really no purpose, and I think I liked writing it more than you could like reading it.  
**

**Dunno where this came from. The circumstances they met under are different, but the story still has the same end… how sad. ): No, I don't ship InuKik, but their love has such a tragic tinge, I can't help but adore it.**

**I don't believe Kikyo could have been so cold at the age of six. Do you?**


End file.
